Fleeing the Cylon menace ...

I have just sat and watched the first four episodes of the final season of Battlestar Galactica back-to-back, and I'm exhausted!

The only element of this whole series that annoys me is the macho-American style of the military, and the way they reach for the endless supply of alcohol at every crisis. They seem incapable of handling the events without a glass or bottle in their hand, and with the amount they consume it's amazing that they can walk, let alone be fit to carry out their duties.

That aside, the story line continues to twist and turn, with major characters being disposed of along the way. These concluding episodes are really shifting along at high speed. Though I remain very fond of the original series, especially the music, the new has developed the idea way beyond those standard science-fiction boundaries.
.

Now the FBI is involved!

Though I'm really disappointed that it's not from Mulder or Scully ...


Anti-Terrorist and Monitory Crimes Division.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
J. Edgar. Hoover Building Washington D.C
Tel: 1-206-666-6052 or 206-350-2807
Fax: Tel: 1-206-666-6052 or 206-350-2807

Attn: Beneficiary,

This is to Officially Inform you that it has come to our notice and we have thoroughly Investigated by the help of our Intelligence Monitoring Network System that you are having a Legal Transaction with one Barrister Robert Scheels of the Federal Ministry Of Finance Nigeria. During our Investigation, it came to our notice that the reason why you have not received your payment is because you have not fulfill your Financial Obligation giving to you in respect of your Contract/Inheritance Payment.

So therefore, we have contacted the Federal Ministry Of Finance on your behalf and they have brought a solution to your problem by arranging your payment in total of US$800,000.00 in an ATM CARD which you will use to withdraw money in anywhere of the world. You now have the lawful right to claim your fund in the ATM CARD by contacting the ATM CARD CENTER.

Also, we have being informed by Mr. Robert Scheels that he gave you instructions on how to proceed and contact the ATM CARD CENTER for their requirements to procure your Approval Slip which contains details of your PERSONAL IDENTIFICATION NUMBER (PIN) which you would use in activating and operating your ATM CARD in any ATM Machine closer to you and note that to procure your Approval Slip it would cost you $350.00. Since the Federal Bureau of Investigation is involved in this transaction, all you did have to do is to be rest assured for this is 100% risk free so do contact the ATM CARD CENTRE so they could let you know on how to make payment for the
procurement of your Approval Slip which is the only payment needed before the delivery of your ATM CARD is being effected.

Below are the contact details of the ATM CARD CENTRE which you are to proceed and contact them for their requirements to proceed and procure your Approval Slip after making payment of $350.00

CONTACT DETAILS
Name: Mr. Paul Smith
Email: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

We do await your response so we can move on with our Investigation and make sure your ATM SWIFT CARD gets to you.

Thanks and hope to read from you soon.

FBI Director

Robert S. Mueller

Note: Do disregard any email you get from any imposter or office claiming to be in possession of your ATM CARD, you are advised only to be in contact with Mr. Paul Smith of the ATM CARD CENTRE who is the rightful person you are suppose to deal with in regards your ATM CARD PAYMENT and forward any email you get from imposters to this office so we could act upon and commence investigation.

They get better!

In my Inbox this morning ....

Dear,

How are you today?

This email was not sent to you by error please get back to me immediately.

On the debt liquidation file of the United Nations, I saw your email for UNPAID SUM OF $5MILLION that has been approved and endorsed by the Federal Minister Of Finance on the ongoing debt settlement scheme. I am very courageous to inform you about this because I believe you have no idea of this fund.

I will assist you in claiming this money. However, you will pay me 30% for the services rendered on conclusion of this transaction. I am a legal attorney to the Post Bank Plc and I will help you to file in a payment application and process your papers until the fund hits your account but you will write an agreement with me that you will pay me 30% on completion of this claim.

If you are ready to claim your fund, please get back to me and I will give you more details and how we can proceed. I assure you, your fund will get to your acount in no distant time as the British Government is in charge of your payment now.

Regards

Mr. Edward Godspeed
Second Floor 47 Fleet Street.

Isn't that wonderful? It made me chuckle.

D-Day landings

As the 65th anniversary of the Normandy landings is being celebrated, I'm reminded that I was in Normandy for the 50th celebrations 15 years ago. I was in the town of St. James which lies at the foot of the Cherbourg peninsular and inland a short way from Mont St Michel. I can't locate the photographs I took then, but we attended the ceremonies at the American War Cemetery, and then, as now, there were veterens walking around the town, many in uniform, along with classic military vehicles decked out in 1944 livery. I still have the bottle of wine I bought with its special printed decoration marking the parachute landings. It's probably not drinkable now! It was good to be there and be part of the event.

Remembered

It would have been my mother's 96th birthday today. This photo was taken in 1953. She made it to age 94. I'm glad I remembered before the day was out.

Political Correctness Police strike again

I have just learned of someone who, when she referred to herself on a self-assessment form as the "black sheep" of the family, was given a very hard time by the panel and told that her use of such a racist phrase raised questions about her suitability for the post she was seeking.

What utter crap. Every Spring there are black lambs to be seen in our fields gambolling with the more numerous white ones. It signifies the member of the family who is perhaps "out of step" with the rest, who maybe makes an unexpected choice of career or partner which the rest of the family find difficult. It's a phrase of long-standing and part of our language. It's not a racist statement. Are we also to do away with words like "black humour" and "blacklist"?

She was also told not to ask for a black coffee. It had to be coffee without milk.

Unbelieveable!

These CP police wouldn't care for my front door. It's painted a very dark shade of no milk. I also wear no milk coloured shirts as part of my uniform.

This is getting ridiculous.

New exercise regime

In-between my regular visits to the gym, I've been developing another exercise routine at home which I though I might share with you.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks.

Then try 50-lb potato sacks, and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand, and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each sack.

Appearances can be deceptive

I've just had an plastic envelope through my door asking for donations of unwanted clothes. This isn't a rare occurance here in the UK. Many charities do this, asking for either clothes or bric-a-brac for their cause. The Great Ormond Street Hospital for Sick Children is one.

To all intents and purposes, this looks like another charity appeal, but if you read closer you find that in fact it is anything but.

The artwork is similar to that used by Great Ormond Street, and the initial reading seems to imply that clothes that are donated will be taken to Third World countries for the benefit of the people there. But then the hidden message starts to come through.

This is a Company, and as such is there to make a profit. It is registered at Companies House as one that deals in second-hand clothing. Therefore it will be selling all that is given to them. The first sentence does hint at this ... "provide people in third world countries with clothes they can afford." (emphasis mine)

There are also several dire spelling mistakes: "really" instead of "rely", and "shemes" instead of "schemes".

Whilst this may not be a scam, the design of the envelope is such that it could well mislead people into thinking this is a charity appeal instead of a profit-making company. The use of the phrase "donation" in the first paragraph also implies this is a charitable work.

Note also that their proper name is as on the e-mail, shc collections, and not as in the first line of the main text, "SHS Collection".

Waveney Trading Standards are already aware of this and similar scams and have posted information on their website.
.

One in the Back stalls please

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Damn. I was hoping for "Brief Encounter".

Achievement

One of those days when I seem to have got a lot done. June magazines arrived back from the printers first thing this morning, so printed off distribution list, printed the concert flyers to go in them (x300) and sorted them into their respective parish piles. Then taking one stack I drove over to one of the churches where the east window is being taken out for repair. Removed the old rusty lock from church gates. Home to start work on Sunday sermon number 1. Then to village Coffee Morning where I handed Memorial fees for another church to the Benefice Treasurer and passed on three more piles of magazines. Caught up on news/gossip. Back home to finish sermon number 1 and work on number 2 (for Sunday evening Pentecost Praise service). Watched lunchtime news to catch up with the world. Dealt with the post. Finished sermon number 2. Out to dentist to have my fangs scraped. Shopped for tonight's Archdeacon's Visitation where we are taking "a plate" to share afterwards. Home, picked up new gates lock from doormat and over to that church again to fit the lock. Scraped out gate bolt hole so that the bolt will drop full travel. Back home, made a loaf of salmon and creamcheese and cucumber sandwiches. A swift afternoon tea of spare sandwiches (2) and a yoghurt drink. Scanned the blog list, updated this, and then changed into "clericals" to leave for the Archdeacon's service in about half-hour's time. Taking rest of magazines to pass on to the parish distributors.

Lunch update

The morning rains cleared by just after 11.00 a.m. and the barbecue was held in a hot sunny garden in Peacehaven. The naked chef did the cooking. Yes, really. No, not that one. Another one. And there was an apron ....

Then about 4.00 p.m. the skies clouded over and several small thunderstorms moved over with light rain. All now cleared again and it's a fine evening.

I ate too much at lunch! Need to punish myself at the gym later this week to compensate. Never mind - just think of the weight I would have put on if I wasn't exercising!

Update from a very wet Sussex coast

Bank Holiday Monday morning, and the Sussex coastline is extremely wet, and that's not just the sea! After a glorious Sunday, it's now raining heavily. The lunch with friends was planned to be a barbecue, and we still might send the unlucky chef out into the garden to cook under a large umbrella.

Drive down yesterday afternoon was straightforward. The M25 was at a standstill going northward as I joined, due to a 7-car accident further up, but southbound as was running smoothly. I arrived at my usual hostelry, the Old Ship just north of Lewes at about 6.50 p.m. and enjoyed one of their "Sunday Roasts". I chose the beef, and had four slices, a large Yorkshire pudding, roast potatoes, cauliflower cheese, carrots and cabbage with bacon. I was then offered a warm bread roll and butter. All for under £10, which I think is very good value - certainly for this part of the UK.






I then called in to St Andrew's church at Bedingham, and was pleased to find it open to visitors at 8.00 p.m. Nothing special inside, just a pretty examplke of a Sussex country church, and it gave me a peaceful stop.

I have a new friend

At least, I would have if I knew who she was! Thankfully I have a program that allows me to preview e-mail contents without downloading and opening them. I just love the attempt at English .... here are some extracts (my comments in brackets).

Hello!!! How are you? Thanks for your letter! I expected it!!!
(I haven't written one.)

I really have not enough time to speak on a site. Well Let's begin ours e-mail acquaintance?!!!
(No thank you.)

As you already know, that mine Name Tasha. But it not my true name, it my nickname in The Internet. My name Tany. Certainly, I love more, when me Name Tasha because so I name close people.
(What?)

I want, that you sent me also some photos you.
(Get lost.)

Agree, what it is more interesting to communicate and receive a photo?
I will try To thicket to please to you with new photos.
(Sounds interesting, but probably illegal.)

I will tell to you not much about me.
(Okay, don't then.)

Sometimes when it turns out, I happen on picnics to my girlfriends on the nature.
(Er...)

I hope, what it was interesting to you with me?
I wish the good and sated day!
Tasha.

I can't wait for the next one!

Hail the day that sees him rise

The east window at St. Margaret South Elmham. Lighter now that we've cut down some self-sown trees that were close-by outside.

It was good to welcome fourteen people to the Eucharist this morning, plus the usual dog.

Now this one I enjoyed

Permit me to apologize for communicating with you through this medium as it is the only secured way I feel I can at this very crucial moment to reach you. Following the directives received from the office of the president, federal republic of Nigeria, as a result of petitions and counter petitions by foreign contractors over non-payment of their contract claims and fraudulent activities being perpetuated by imposters as well as people who claim to be officials of the apex bank (CBN).

Under my recent investigation your name is among the list of beneficiaries released for verification and transfer. Be informed that there are different accounts submitted for your payment by your local representatives to the effect of your payment notification. As a result of these irregularities and subsequent to investigation,the Bank does not know into which account to effect your payment. Based on my recent findings, please, you are hereby required to verify the following immediately:

-Did you broker your debt to Mr. Lee Chong of indo-china group ltd, Hong Kong,to claim and receive the payment on your behalf? Did you sign any deed of assignment in his favor? thereby making him the current beneficiary with the following account details: account name: Indo-china group ltd, account no:114-102-5567-8,bank name: standard chattered bank,138-141 1st floor,Edinburgh tower, the landmark,15 queens road, central Hong Kong, swift code:Scbl 11k111.

You are required as a matter of urgency to confirm the legitimacy of the above claim and kindly give us reason why you decided to affect the above change of account. If you are not aware of this claim, please confirm to me immediately.

Note that the Bank is bound to recognize Mr. Lee Chongs claim, if you fail to promptly response to this inquiry following the deed of assignment he submitted to the bank to claim this payment. So do get back tome with a confirmation to this effect immediately.I await your earnest response,

Best regards,
Garlp Philips.

Thank you Garlp, (what sort of name is that?!) you started my day with a chuckle.

Maybe shorter than you think ...

... could be the answer to the previous post. Somedays it just gets to me, and later I wonder why I allowed it to annoy me. I should be better at dealing with those feelings than this. I did not do very well with my self-awareness of the Transactional Analysis method which I try and follow. I'm not into Myers-Briggs at all, but the TA system of looking at human interaction as P-A-C has, since I learned it, been invaluable.

Parent - Adult - Child. In any interaction with another, how am I acting? Am I being the parent, demanding that they follow my advice/lead/interpretation? Am I being the child refusing to budge and crying that it's not fair and I don't want to and I'll scream and scream 'til I'm sick? Or am I being the adult who looks rationally at the situation and engages with the differences?

Then, how are they acting? The aim is for both to come to the point of being the Adult, and it's there that learning and dialogue takes place.

Today was a childlike day.

Time that I grew up.

How long, O Lord?

What is it about the way some people write replies that makes me want to scream "Stop patronising me, you s***!" They also manage to evade the question and turn it round so that the problem lies this end of things. And what really gets under my skin is that this is communication with the church "centre".

Rant over. I shall go and microwave some chips.

I'll regret it tomorrow when I'm in the gym!

Damn and blast

I have just bitten my tongue for the third time in five days .... now sitting with a reddening tissue clamped to it ....

Mrs Beamish

This was linked on a friend's Facebook page. I'd not heard it before. 'Tis a truly wonderful song by Richard Stilgoe & Peter Skellern. If anyone claiming copyright ownership has objections to their material being used in this tribute, please message me and I'll remove the link.

Feeding frenzy

Every MP whose expense claims have been revealed have said that they were all within the rules and approved by Commons authorities. However, many of them have also said that the Rules are wrong and need to be replaced.

Question: If that is what they believe, and may have believed for some time, why then did they continue to make claims within those "wrong" rules for so long?

I can appreciate that mistakes happen, and there are some instances where errors have been spotted and money repaid long before this row broke, but in many other cases there seems to be no comprehension from those involved that they have done anything that is ethically questionable.

And it is this lack of understanding and integrity that is deeply concerning.

This BBC News site carries a list of MP's and their expenses claims. It is worth remembering that such expenses are supposed to be for things that allow the elected official to carry out their Parliamentary duties.

er ... Bedding? Television set? Decorating?

Shahid Malik, the Justice minister who today "resigned" over the expenses row has called for the media "bloodfest" to stop.

Well, Mr. Malik, uncomfortable as it may be for you and many others, maybe it is time that our elected politicians relearnt that they are servants of the people, and answerable to them.

But with the new morning came ...

... a clearer head, the ability to breathe through the nose, and only the occasional explosion!

It's on its way out!

This is how I feel this morning ....

... and I've the mid-week Eucharist to take in 35 minutes! I will try not to sneeze into the chalice.

Feel the Force

I think I've just had an e-mail from Yoda, the Jedi Master. At least, it sounds very much like him ...

From: "Freeman Bautista"
Subject: Greeting, forgive what to distract, you not against to wish to do=knowledge with the girl?
Size: 56620

Is this an offer I can resist?
Thinking I am to do so, yes.

Political dust-up

Conservative Party leader, David Cameron, has moved swiftly to force his Shadow Cabinet and other Tory MPs to repay excessive and questionable expenses claims paid out of the Public Purse. They were faced with the choice of writing out a cheque or being dismissed from the Party, so no surprises that all who have so far been asked have agreed. Before the announcement by Mr. Cameron, Douglas Hogg, the former agriculture secretary, (who had claimed more than £2,000 for the moat around his country estate to be cleared, plus the cost of his piano to be tuned), stoutly defended his claim for £14,000 to employ a full-time housekeeper. Stating that his work demanded that he have a second home, he said in a broadcast interview, "Someone needs to clean it."

Well, Mr. Hogg, let me educate you.

THIS ...


is a duster.
You can buy them in many places including corner shops and supermarkets.
You pick them up, unfold them, hold them loosely in your hand and move them over surfaces.
They collect dust, which is why they are called a duster.
They can cost no more than £1 for 3.

A bit cheaper than £14,000.
Might I suggest you pick one up sometimes and do a bit of housework yourself?

Most of us have to do just that.

Coward by name but not by nature

An important story here from Colin Coward ("Changing Attitude") for anyone who wants to see behind the reasonable christian facade of the conservative African church .....

http://changingattitude-england.blogspot.com/2009/05/nigerian-bishop-not-jamaican-homophobe.html

It's not my fault ...

News today that Cabinet minister Hazel Blears faces fresh scrutiny over her Paliamentary expenses claims.

Ms Blears sold a flat in Kennington, London, in August 2004 for £200,000, making £45,000 profit. Because the flat had been designated as her “second home” under Commons rules, she was able to claim back thousands of pounds in mortgage interest and running costs, and avoid paying £18,000 in tax.

Ms. Blears said she had not broken any rules but that the system was "wrong". “I have complied with the rules of the House," she said, "and the rules of the Inland Revenue and that’s the situation as it is." However, she acknowledged that the public “hate” the current expenses regime and said a group of “ordinary people” should be involved in drawing up the new system. “I understand entirely why the public hates this. The system is wrong, it needs to be changed. Personally, what I would do is get a group of ordinary people together with the independent body and I would work out a fair system and then everybody sticks to it. I think that’s where we need to be.”


Comment:
No, Ms Blears, we, the public, do not hate the system - What ticks us off is the fact that the same people who voted the rules in are now claiming that the rules are at fault. What gets up our collective nostrils is that they saw nothing wrong in getting as much personal advantage as they possibly could from the public funds, and now that they've been caught at it, are trying to blame the system rather than their own lack of judgement and integrity.

MPs expenses

The Parliamentary expenses system is "wrong" says Gordon Brown ... however, that hasn't stopped him and other MP's from putting in their claims.

It's a bit like a thief who gets caught with their hand in the till, who then turns round and blames the till for being there in the first place.

If the system is wrong, and our PM claims he's known it was wrong for some time and is taking steps to change it, then why do our representatives continue to gain benefit from it? And if they've been doing nothing wrong, why try to prevent the people they represent from seeing the details? After all, my expenses of office as a clergyman are open for any in the parishes to see, for they are contained in the church accounts pinned to the notice board.

Maybe what is needed is not a better/fairer system of expense reimbursement for MPs, but more evidence of personal integrity.

Yes it's No.

The future Bishops of the Anglican Communion practice for their debate about the full inclusion of gay people in the church.

Swedish couple continue fight for right to name their son Q

“The Local” 5 May 09 12:27 CET

A Swedish couple from Åre in northern Sweden have taken their fight to name their son Q to the Supreme Administrative Court (Regeringsrätten).
The court will rule if current legislation permits the use of a single letter as a first name.

The parents insist that the boy was not named after the popular figure from the James Bond films and that the decision was instead a last minute one when "Q" was born.

They argue that he answers to the name which they have used since birth.

"He is quite simply Q with half of the inhabitants of the Åre area. There are stranger names in the valley," the couple claim in their appeal of a ruling by the administrative court of appeal (Kammarrätten).

The Supreme Administrative Court on April 21st granted the couple leave to appeal and will consider whether the 1982 names law allows the use of a single letter as a first name.

The couple write that as an alternative they could consider the use of the name "Q: u".


Comment
It could have been worse. It could have been “F : u”, with a second child being called “F : u : 2”.

Brokeback Mountain it isn't

Ignore the advert blurb at the end and just enjoy the movie ....

No worries here then

I took the opportunity at last week's Joint Benefice Council meeting to tell the parish representatives what would be the likely impact on our church worship if Swine flu reaches pandemic status and sweeps across our rural area - initially the cessation of using a common communion cup and intincting the wafers with the wine instead, and then later the ending of Sunday services for the duration, though the church buildings would stay open.

A churchwarden made the comment that the news reports were saying that the main people at risk are those under the age of 45, and taking a look round our congregations, he didn't think it likely that we would be affected at all!

I'm glad I didn't suggest that!

Blossom-time

Here's the evidence why I don't chop down the tree in my garden that is steadily falling over!

Remember the Petition against water rates hike for churches?

Thursday 30 April 2009
10 Downing Street

Churchwaterbills: e-petition response

We received a petition asking:
“We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to instruct water companies to return to charging churches as charities rather than as business premises.”
Details of Petition:
“Changes in water charging structures in a number of regions mean that churches are charged on the same scale as businesses, leading to large (for example, 1300%) increases in annual water bills.”

The Government’s response
Traditionally, surface water drainage charges have been based on the rateable value of properties, as allocated by the Valuation Office. Places of worship, along with other specific groups and organisations, did not have to pay these charges because of their zero rating. Four water companies, Yorkshire (2001/02), Severn Trent (2000/01), Northumbrian (2006/07) and United Utilities (2008/09), have switched from rateable value to area based charging.

The Government supports site area charging for surface water drainage in principle, because it offers financial incentive for customers to install sustainable drainage systems which improve water quality and prevent surface water flooding. However, the Government believes that it is clearly very wrong if customers such as faith buildings, community amateur sports clubs and scout huts are facing hikes in their bills of several hundred per cent, and where there are massive variations between what is being charged in different areas by different companies.

The Government recognises the level of concern over charges for surface water drainage, especially in some areas of the country and for some groups where increases in charges have been disproportionate and insensitive to the needs of water companies’ customers.

It is ultimately for the water regulator Ofwat, the independent economic regulator of the water industry, and individual companies to agree a fair and proportionate system of charging that is sensitive to those organisations who previously enjoyed a cross-subsidy. However, Defra has made the Government’s position clear to Ofwat and to the Chief Executive of United Utilities (whose customers have been most affected, including as a result of miscalculated bills). We have also made it clear that increases in bills of this magnitude are not in line with Defra’s guidance on charging issued to Ofwat in 2000, or Ofwat’s more detailed 2003 guidance to the water companies.

In particular, Ofwat’s guidance states that companies that are thinking of introducing site-area charging need to assess possible impacts on all customers’ bills. Ofwat’s guidance goes on to state that companies will need to take into account the scale and speed of any bill changes to see if they are reasonable and acceptable to customers.

It is for individual companies to prepare their charging schemes and for Ofwat, as the economic regulator of the water industry, to review and approve them. Customers with sensitive properties, who are concerned about disproportionate increases in their bills, or inaccurate bills, should raise their concerns with their water company in the first instance or, failing that, with the Consumer Council for Water.
United Utilities has been the focus of many of the recent concerns expressed in the media and in representation directly to Defra. As noted above, Defra has conveyed its views on this issue to Ofwat and to the Chief Executive of United Utilities.
In response to such representations, United Utilities now proposes to set its surface water drainage charges for 2009/10 at 2007/08 levels for customers such as faith buildings, community amateur sports clubs and scout huts (i.e. at levels prior to the introduction of site area charging), and is also committed to finding a long term solution to this problem for 2010/11 and beyond. This is a very welcome step forward although Defra will continue to monitor this issue and engage further with Ofwat as necessary.


Comment:"and is also committed to finding a long term solution to this problem"
There wasn't a problem before some Water companies decided that here was a soft target that would increase their income. After all, they have to pay their Directors salaries and pension plans somehow.

Restoration

Well, I'm quite pleased with the results.

Flixton's statue on the left - both heads were broken off and large part of Mary's neck missing .... St Margaret South Elmham's on the right, torso broken into several pieces, both heads off, and a large part of the top of Mary's head missing.

On close examination the repairs are evident, but from normal viewing distance ....

Annual Meetings

Nine down and two to go ....

Was it something I said?

Oh how fickle ... our visitor has being giving his attentions to three other churches in the locality, outside of this Benefice. And I thought we were something special!

Taking the rough with the smooth

Life here in rural NE Suffolk is usually quiet and peaceful, but over the last couple of days there's been a strange person doing the rounds of our churches who clearly has a problem. On Monday he (she?) went into Flixton and turned both banners by the altar to face the wall, moved the crosses, and smashed the small plaster statue of Mother and child that had only been put there three days before. They placed two large volumes of "The Life of Christ" (not ours, so must have been brought with them) on the altar and left their distinctive mark in the Visitor's Book.

On Tuesday they went to St. Cross South Elmham, opened the lectern Bible to the end of the Book of Revelation and pulled the cross above the pulpit off the wall. The small weekday wooden cross on the altar was dismantled, and the icon of St. George in the porch was taken down and left lying face down on the ground.

Today it was the turn of St. Margaret South Elmham. The church banner was turned to the wall.


A wheatstraw cross taken off the wall and placed upside down in the pulpit. The small plaster statue of Mother and child suffered the same fate as Flixton's.


More significantly, a wooden cross from the windowsill was laid sideways on the altar on top of a paperback copy of a book by the satanist Aleister Crowley.


They left the same signature in the Visitor's Book.



We know when we leave our churches open they are subject to abuse, but this person needs to keep taking their medication.

It was quite a pretty statue as well. I'm going to have a go at restoring it.

Sorry if you're blonde, but ....

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.

The husband said, 'Who was that?'

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'

Another invitation

According to my e-mail Inbox, George Nduka needs urgently to hear from me.

Sorry, George, you're going to be disappointed.

The death toll rises

Living surrounded by nature is wonderful. This evening I watched two cock pheasants battling it out for supremacy on my lawn, and neither of them took any notice of me when I opened the back door to get a closer view. However, another aspect is not so idyllic.

I live in a house of 28 windows, and every springtime birds of all ages, but mainly young, kill themselves by flying into the glass. Yesterday it was a beautiful chaffinch lying dead on the grass underneath my study window. This afternoon it was an adult male blackbird slumped in the middle of the mint, and not under any window at all!


I can guarantee that at some point virtually every day for the next 5 or 6 weeks there will be a loud thump from somewhere upstairs, and on inspection I will find a small feathered body with its neck broken lying outside and somewhere nearby.

Home from Home

Man builds chapel for wife whose church is 'too busy'

A retired watch importer has built a 12-seater chapel for his wife after she said that her own church was too overcrowded. Jon Richards, 63, built the chapel, which includes an altar, font and a tapestry of the Last Supper, next to the family farmhouse in Mappleborough Green, Worcestershire. To assemble the chapel, Mr Richards and his wife Muriel visited scrap yards and markets all over Europe in what they call a two and a half year “labour of love”.

The chapel is now being used for weekly services for the Richards’ friends and family. A local vicar has also agreed to perform home communion services four times a year. The chapel has even received requests to be used as a wedding venue, but has had to turn them down as it has not been consecrated.

Mr Richards said, "I built it for Muriel because she's really passionate about her religion but the local church is often too busy,” reports The Telegraph. "She's delighted to stand at the front of services and hand out the bread and wine to everybody then organise the music. The building is so peaceful that we often spend our long summer evenings in there relaxing when there's no service."

The chapel is only 12ft by 8ft. As a result the Richards could not fit the font they had bought inside, so they now keep it outside the entrance. All the features of the chapel, which has been named the Twelve Crosses Church, were acquired from old church buildings, with the exception of the windows which were made by a glazier who is a friend of the couple.

Mr Richards said, "The chapel is like a jigsaw puzzle of different church architecture and I would love to know the history of each part."

The Richards are still active members of their local Anglican congregation at the Church of The Holy Ascension.

Mrs Richards said, "Jon's become the expert on everything to do with the chapel – I just go in there to relax and pray."


And to think that I used to make do with a cupboard under the stairs when I could have been working on the shed inthe garden ....

In the temporary absence of Mad Priest over the border

TICKET TO RIDE

A MAN spent almost a week in prison after he was arrested for picking up a ticket left on a train. Abidrashid Abdilaahi returned the ticket he found on a table when confronted by the guard and bought his own. But he was still arrested at Nottingham Station and spent six days in prison after police failed to book a translator for his first court appearance.

Nottingham magistrates released Abdilaahi, 41, on Tuesday after sentencing him to one day in custody for theft. He pleaded guilty to the charge. Abdilaahi's solicitor Dean Bower said he had been punished more than enough for a trivial offence. "This is not a serious offence," said Mr Bower. "The ticket was returned to its owner moments after it was taken. All that happened was he was walking through the carriage looking for a seat, glanced down, noticed the ticket and picked it up. He did not know if it was valid or not and did not intend to use it. He was then sold a valid ticket to Chesterfield, even though the person who sold him that ticket was making arrangements to have him arrested at Nottingham."

Transport police interviewed Abdilaahi with an interpreter because his English was poor. They then decided to keep him in custody, but failed to book the interpreter for court the next day. Magistrates had no choice but to adjourn his case because Abdilaahi could not understand what was going on. No Somalian interpreter could be booked until after the Easter Bank Holiday on Tuesday – after Abdilaahi spent six days at Lincoln Prison.

A spokesman for British Transport Police said an interpreter was present when Abdilaahi was charged on Thursday morning. "It was our understanding that there would be an interpreter in court," he said.

Abdilaahi, of Mere Road, Leicester, is originally from Somalia, but is a Dutch national with the legal right to work in the UK. He is a cleaner at Leicester Royal Infirmary. His lawyer says Abdilaahi is in poor health and was not given his usual medication until he had been in prison for five days. "He is poor," Mr Bower said. "And six days of incarceration have already cost him approximately a week's wages, although fortunately he believes his job will still be there for him."
Magistrates released Abdilaahi immediately. He was not asked to pay usual prosecution costs of £70.

The defendant saluted the magistrates and repeatedly thanked them as he was led out of the dock.

It is the police's responsibility to book interpreters for a defendant's first court appearance as it usually takes place within 24 hours of them being charged at a police station. Sanchia Wheeler, a civil litigation lawyer at Nottingham-based law firm Cartwright King, said: "Police officers are human and do make mistakes. However, care has to be taken where it is clear that such errors can lead to the unnecessary custody of persons and deprive them of their liberty. I feel that the officers have to answer for their actions and he deserves an apology and compensation at the very least. There should be a process in place to ensure that matters such as booking an interpreter are confirmed before their attendance at court."

A spokesperson for East Midlands Trains said: "We are working hard to prevent ticket-less travel on our trains and have already introduced a number of initiatives to prevent anybody travelling without a ticket, such as the introduction of more ticket vending machines at stations and educating passengers through posters at stations.
In addition, we will be introducing automatic ticket gates at a number of our key stations this year."

Oh - that's all right then ....

He's a persistant little fellow!

3.05 p.m. and "Alan" has just called again - this time to ask if my Sky Television is working okay. Hmmm, bit of a problem there in that I don't have Sky. I told him I knew this was a scam and to "get stuffed!"

Another 15 Hail Mary's as penance ...

Another attempt ...

... to con me.

There I was, enjoying a post-communion piece of toast and home-made marmalade when the telephone rang. Answering it I was greeted with a voice with an accent appearing to originate in the Indian sub-continent ....

"Hello, this is Alan. I just called to ask if your colour television is working okay today?"

Yeah. Right. Get lost. Prat.

Another invitiation from the Benin Republic

In my Inbox today .... and I see the sender changes their gender by the end of the letter !


You're invited to "Contact FedEX Express Delivery Services Benin Republic.".

By your host Steven Obi:

Date: Tuesday 14 April 2009
Time: 9:00 AM - 10:00 AM (GMT +00:00)
Location: Attn My Dear Friend,I have paid the fee for your cheque draft and i took it to the ECO BANK PLC to confirm it then the Manager of theBank MRBENARD UGO told me that before the check can get to you it will expire on the way and if it expired it will become useless so Headvice me toconvert $1.5m (ONE MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS) into cash and pack it into the strong iron box anddeposit it in FEDEX EXPRESSDELIVERY COMPANY BENIN REPUBLIC to deliver it in cash to you.And i did it as he advice me because heis abanker he knows the durability of any foriegn check or draft.I deposited the said package in the FedEX EXpress Delivey Company asancotton materials for secuirty reasons.This is the registration Number of your Package Fed/122p/mtm/2008 Zip Code;0113388 so do notlet the company to know the real contents of the package so that they can deliver it for you safely.I want you to contact thecompanyimmediately with the following informations though igive them your information but you need to reconfirm it for them.Below is the requiredinfomation you need to give them now,
1.YOUR FULL NAME_____________
2YOUR CONTRY_____________
3.YOURHOMEADDRESS_______________
4.YOUR PHONE NUMBER_________________
5YOUR FAX NUMBER________________
6.A COPY OFYOURPHOTO________________
7.YOUR AGE AND MARITAL STATUS___________
8YOUR NEAREST AIRPORT___________
All thesethings is needed from you now to submmit to the company for urgent delivery of your package contains $1.5M Please contact the deliverycompanyimmediately and reconfirm your info to them to enable their agent locate you when he arrived in your country.This is the company contactinfo.Rev Dr Larry Joe Director Tel;+2299327-8110 FEDEX EXpress Delivery Company Benin Republic.Please contact the company immediately you receive this email so that your package will leave tonight to be deliver toyou.Get back to me assoon as you receive your package from the company.
God Bless you.

MrS STEVEN OBI.

How many kinds of sweet flowers grow ...

... in an English country (Vicar's) garden?

Bank Holiday Monday

I know that clergy don't technically get Bank Holidays off since they are secular rather than Christian holidays (at least, that is what I was taught in my first post), but in practice they are quite often quieter days since every other human being is off enjoying themselves. So I wasn't too put out when asked by a couple if they could come and see me this Bank holiday afternoon to talk about their forthcoming wedding. Accordingly I haven't gone out anywhere today, but spent this morning catching up on paperwork, and the early pert of this afternoon writing the first draft of next Sunday's sermon. And now the man has just telephoned saying they can't make it today as his other half is not feeling well. I just hope it's nothing trivial.

Easter Day - Mark's version

In the mystery of this night

And they said nothing to anyone, for they were afraid.

Prophet or profit on Good Friday

I came across this cartoon many years ago, maybe as far back as the late 60's though perhaps my memory is at fault there, and I have kept it ever since. It was relevant then, and remains so today.

Processed meat products by e-mail

Some are so easy to spot. Take this one that arrived in my Inbox overnight:

From: "Sarah Pick Arson"
Subject: SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE
Size: 5882

Do I really believe there is someone in the world called Sarah Pick Arson? If there is, she has my sympathy.

Not all doom and gloom

Perhaps I ought to put more money into my pension plan!

Told you

Wednesday of Holy Week, and it's clear. (And not just heaved onto another surface for the purposes of taking the picture!)

It's all filth

Over at Life is full of surprises, TL has been musing on the various ways of creating a good compost. My experience has been that perfectly good compost can be made without any smell or sludge simply by piling the garden debris up and leaving it open to the air. The majority of professional advice is to cover the heap over so that the heat from the decaying matter hastens the whole process. In my experience, that is what produces the stink. An open pile takes longer, but it's odour-free, and provides somewhere warm for the neighbourhood cats to sit in winter, keeping their little bottoms warm!

As the photos show, I have two main piles - one a large open-cast heap and the other a contained box mainly for grass cuttings. We are currently digging into the big one, and you can see the quality of compost that is at the base.

Why do people fall for these?

An unknown benefactor has just e-mailed me from the Republic of Benin in West Africa.

Good Day, I wonder why I did not hear from you for your $1.2 Million, which is your own share after the sucess of our business. Is it because the money is small or what? I have deposited it with UPS COURIER COMPANY BENIN REPUBLIC IN WEST AFRICA as package box.note that UPS Do not know the content.

He then gives me an e-mail address to contact the UPS Managing Director PASCAL EZEH, and that he has paid the delivery and registration fee for me, and is leaving for London tomorrow.

All I have to do is provide them with YOUR FULL NAME YOUR CURRENT HOME ADRESS AND TELEPHONE NUMBER A COPY OF YOUR PICTURE YOUR CONUTRY YOUR AGE YOUR OCCUPATION and send them is their security keeping fee of $98 as soon as you have contacted them ok.
Regards,
Dr William Udoh.

Well, Dr. Udoh, what a load of crap. And you can't spell. Go swivel.

Scrambled ...

... both my lunch and my study desk.


I have never tried scrambled eggs with smoked salmon before. I wouldn't go out of my way to find it and order it, but it was very pleasant nonetheless.

And as for my desk ... it will be clear by the start of Holy Week ... hopefully!

A little bit of culture

From a frustrated librarian's blog



Something wonderful from the far side of the world ...

Walking to a future

Just home from the rehearsal for our Benefice's first wedding of the year, tomorrow, in the church of St. James South Elmham. Nice young couple, and the church is a riot of white flowers - yes - flowers - even though it's Lent. They will be removed for Palm Sunday, so the place will look bare and stark for the close of Passiontide and throughout Holy Week. On Good Friday all the hangings will also be removed, leaving the altar naked until Easter Day. When I posted about making the marmalade for my Coffee Morning tomorrow I had forgotten that I had transferred that event to next Saturday because of the wedding. At least it's now made, and I don't have to worry about it in the midst of the extra services this coming week.

My preparations for this Holy Week are slowly coming together. I lay out the various days on the table in the hall, so that each pile can be picked up as required. At the moment there's a large bag of palm crosses and several service books that will be needed on Sunday. Looking at the Gospel reading I find that I don't like the suggested passages given us by the Revised Common Lectionary for the Passion Gospel. It's either incredibly long, or too short, so I have looked instead at the version in the old 1980 Alternative Service Book, and I think it's much better. So I shall be using that one instead. And since we have the Passion narrative to get through, I don't preach on Palm Sunday. (Sighs of relief from the congregation!) After all, the Gospel says it all, and I don't feel that I need to subject the congregants to more words after that great piece of prose.

And so the journey to Jerusalem begins, leading to stupendous and wondrous events. No doubt tomorrow's wedding couple have similar feelings about their big day.

If you can't stand the heat ...

The next batch of 3-fruit marmalade is on the boil, because if I don't get it done today ready for the Coffee Morning on Saturday, it won't get done at all, what with the final Lent Lunch tomorrow and the final Lent film on Thursday.

It's bubbling beautifully, and with just the right amount of brandy ....

*hic*

thash purffeck't ...... Bu**er supper ...