No option but to delay

There's a large funeral taking place in one of our rural churches this afternoon, of which I am not the officiant. There has been flurry of phone calls this morning as the grave digger is refusing to dig the grave because as soon as he takes out a bucket-load of soil the space is filling with water, and the side walls are not stable.

Admittedly this is the one churchyard of ours that is surrounded by a medieval moat, but on this occasion that is not the cause of the problem. The ground is so sodden from the weeks of snow and then the recent couple of days of rain that the water-level has risen considerably. The roadside ditches round our lanes are full, and that is always a good indicator of the state of the fields.

So my advice to the officiant, in line with that already obtained from our Archdeacon, is that the funeral service can go ahead as planned, but that the burial will have to be delayed. This will undoubtedly cause some distress to the family and those relatives who have flown in from lands afar, but there is no choice. Nature will win, and we must wait on the water-table dropping back to its usual level before the final act can take place.

And another offer I can easily refuse

The picture is enough to put me off even considering a move over the Tiber. I shall be giggling all day ....

Mind you, I suppose we have nothing to laugh about really ....


Let's have a nice cup of tea and a sit down ...

Now there's an offer ....

This was in my Inbox this morning. I was tempted ... briefly ... but I had a mid-week Eucharist to take.

From: "FROM MR.JOHN BALI"
Subject: KINDLY VIEW YOUR ATTACHMENT MASSAGE
Size: 10606

Sign on the dotted line

Following on from my post on Common Tenure below, I have now sent my reply to my Bishop declining the offer of transferring from my current freehold office to the new system. There are various reasons for this, one being that signing such a contract would irrevocably change my relationship with not only the Church of England and my bishop, but also with these parishes, and I do not see any great advantage in going down that particular path.

A night-time Epiphany in Tesco, Norwich

I had a revelation tonight during my late-night shopping in Tesco following my Friday evening gym visit. A new interpretation of Matthew's Gospel was revealed to me at the end of the Crisps, Nuts and Snacks aisle. I turned the corner and found a display of the gifts brought by the Wise Men to the house in Bethlehem, and all of a sudden I was given a deeper understanding of the Greek text.

Matthew 2: 11
And coming into the house they saw the child with Mary the mother of him, and falling they worshipped him, and opening the treasures of them they offered to him gifts, mini Caramel eggs, mini creme eggs, and a chocolate bunny.

After all, "Every little helps."

To sign or not to sign, that is the question

At the end of this month the new system of Common Tenure for clergy in the CofE comes into operation. I was going to write "comes into force" but in fact there is no force being exerted to change over to this different status.

The main thrust of the change is to bring clergy under the legal protection of employment law, something from which as "office holders" we are presently excluded.

Whilst the move has this main advantage, alongside access to a grievance procedure as well as a minimum stipend in law, there are, as I see it, several disadvantages.

The Incumbent who has a "living" will lose their independence. Under Common Tenure they will not only have to draw up a job description, but they will also have their performance periodically reviewed. For centuries Incumbents have had the freedom to develop their ministry as they believe best fits the parishes where they work. This has allowed some glorious eccentrics to hold their post until they keel over in the pulpit, but that is one of the glories of the Church of England. Common Tenure will harmonise ministerial practice and do away with such "blips".

It makes the clergy employees instead of office holders. This may well bring about a fundamental change in how they are perceived by not only their Bishop by also by their congregations. Can an employee make quite as strong a stand against what they see as injustice in the system as an independent person? There will be more pressure to not "rock the boat", which is something that clergy have managed to do quite successfully on various issues over the years.

My Bishop has written to me asking, as he is required to do, if I would like to transfer my office to Common Tenure. I have drafted my reply but have not yet sent it. There is yet time for a little more consideration of the implications of either course.

The old year fast away is fled

On the Feast of Stephen ....

A cold and frosty morning, but 9 brave souls turned out for the Sunday service at 10.30 a.m. Inside the church of St. Michael South Elmham the large Calor gas heater was blasting merrily, keeping the icicles at bay as we sang unaccompanied carols both familiar and less-so.

Just for a change ...

... yesterday I went early-morning shopping to the local Co-op, and decided to throw caution to the four winds and have a freshly-cooked breakfast. The sausage may look burnt, but actually it was nice, albeit slightly crispy at the ends, but at least it was cooked through. Nothing worse than a sausage with a pink middle. The egg was fine, the bacon tasty, and lurking underneath that mound of beans is a hash brown. All it needed was a slice of toast or fried bread, but that would have cost extra, and I've already spend a lot preparing for Christmas.

I might well go back for another breakfast at some point. After all, a single serving is hardly an objective sample.

It's beginning to look a lot like ....

Christmas has finally arrived at the Parsonage with the purchase, erection and decoration of this year's tree. I like to leave it until the last minute, but this year I almost left it too late. The usual Nursery I go to had sold out, and the large Garden Centre near Norwich had just two left, and I paid double what I usually do, although it is a nice shape and the right size for my low ceilings.

It's a lot less cold tonight here in the north-eastern Suffolk borders, probably because we have a lot of cloud cover. Much of the snow around the roads has gone, though packed ice is still a problem in the shaded parts of the lanes.

But with snow on the ground, and the possibility of wintry showers forecast for tomorrow, it will be a White Christmas, and even if it doesn't snow on the actual day, it will still be seasonal to sit and look out at from my lounge in front of a burning fire.

Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful ... etc.

Return to the country

A smooth train ride back from London today and a return to the rural ministry straight into several messages from a funeral firm who are trying to arrange a service and burial. Away for just on 48 hours but some people expect me to be instantly available every day. Tough. I need my space no matter how pastoral the demands are. Even Jesus strolled off into the hills every now and again. The needs of the sick and dying didn't stop just because he wasn't around for a short while. Twenty minutes on the phone and most of the arrangements are sorted.

And just to make another point clear - I did not see any students in London yesterday, and I most certainly did not walk around the city with tins of white paint.

Now ... where's that turps?
.

London - Day 2

A morning walk up to the Albert Memorial, over the frozen Serpentine, and across Hyde Park to Oxford Street. A rummage around several shops, including Selfridges (somewhat expensive), then down Regent Street for a quick view of Hamleys, and down Piccadilly. I had a look in the permanent market in the grounds of St James church, then continued westwards to Fortnum & Mason. Here the prices were laughable, and I came out without purchasing anything. It was educational to browse, and I discovered that the marzipan fruits that I often make at Christmas sell for about 18.00 (and I would enter the GBP sign if I wasn't using a Mac that only has $). I then strolled back into Knightsbridge and went into the Harrods Food Halls. Here I considered buying a small Stilton cheese at 6.85 that would fit in my empty Harrods Stilton jar at home, but thought better of it, reasoning that I can get a piece of Stilton from a supermarket and put it in the jar and no-one will know the difference.

So apart from a couple of small purchases along the way, I got back to base in Kensington with money still in my wallet. Who says that holidays cost a lot? Or am I just a miserable ageing git who won't spend? (And that's a rhetorical remark rather than a question that needs answering!)

Since I'm not going to Brugge ....

I've taken a couple of days in London again.


Walking down from St. Paul's I came across the church of St. Martin-within-Ludgate where there was a lunchtime recital just about to begin, so I went in and enjoyed an hour of classical music from the Dego/Leonardo Duo, Francesca Dego on violin and Francesca Leonardi on piano, playing Schumann's Sonato No.1 in A minor Opus 105, Mozart's Sonata in B flat major K.454, and Paganini's Caprices Opus 1, 5 and 10, concluding with his Opus No.8 "Le Streghe". It was a superb hour out of the cold north wind.


My route then took me through Trafalgar Square and down into Kensington where the Natural History Museum has its Winter Ice Rink and glistening trees. All very festive, and tomorrow I shall wander through the shops, probably looking rather than buying as I already have most of what I need for Christmas. But there might be something in Harrods ... so long as it's small and cheap!

If looks could kill ...

Tis the Advent season ...

... and here's a beautiful version form the album "And Winter Came".

Another entry in the "Headlines we love" competition

Store detectives dress as baby Jesus to catch Christmas market thieves

Story from "The Telegraph" here

Lulay lula, thou little tiny child,
Bye bye luly lulay.
Oh storemen true, what may we do,
to stop the Christmas thieving?
Employ a child, not meek and mild,
who will do observing.

Deep and crisp and even ... and it's not a pizza!

You have to love the Daily Mail ....

... for every once in a while the arrows of their wild reporting hits a target .... though what and where that target is is another matter ....

Hat-tip to Mad Priest for informing me of this media revelation. Perhaps I ought to rewrite this morning's sermon ....

I just knew today was going to be special ...

... when I got a Premium Bonds cheque for £25 though the post, and it just keeps on getting better! This has just arrived in my Inbox ....

From: Pronto Express Courier Services
To: package No-33678739
Date: 19:11:2010

Attn:

Regarding the above package No-33678739 tagged to a brown box marked for delivery to you address with your contact details such as your email address as filled on the PRF (Package Registration Form). The said brown box was brought to our Dorchester, England U.K office on the 15TH of october, 2010 by one Mr. Richard Brooks who registered the said package for a diplomatic delivery which discription is a brown box containing £3.5mGBP (Three Million and Five Hundred Thousand Pounds) has filled in the PRF (Package Registration Form) by the said Mr. Richard Brooks. He ordered us to await his authorisation for shipment but, following courier rules and policies, shippers instruction for unshiped packages lapses after one month of no contact.

However, we have confirmed the content of the package yesterday with the presence of a law enforcement agent and its genuine that the package (brown box) contains sealed Great British Pounds. Since we had to tamper with this package, The real value of £3.5mGBP as filled on the PRF (Package Registration Form) have been re-insured.

Get back to us through the below email address as soon as possible to process the full delivery of your package. You can as well call the below number for more information regarding this notification.

Email: prontoexpress@airpost.net
Phone: +447565104981 (Suraj Vijay)

REGARDS,
Suraj Vijay
For:: Pronto Express Courier Services


"discription" ? "unshiped" ??
Mr Vijay really should learn to spell if he wants to con me.

What a load of

Danger ahead!

This is really a quite good expose of the peril towards which we are steaming ....
.

Next on the horizon ...

... are the Carol Services, and planning starts today!

Where did Autumn go? That was quick!

A good covering of frost this morning.

Late-autumn morning

Glorious morning - misty, fresh, grass wet and cobwebs glistening like jewels in the low sun.

There's nowhere quite like home

Brighton - especially in a storm, with the rain lashing the sea's surface and the boiling waves and pebbles crashing through the seafront stalls.



And walking home, face sticky with salt spray, munching on a portion of chips in newspaper.

Simple pleasures.
.

Rough Remembrance

Not the sort of weather people want for today's open-air services at War memorials. Thankfully we have no outdoor village Memorials, and our Benefice Remembrance event will be on Sunday, inside the church of St Margaret South Elmham.

The first of the late autumn storms

It's cold - the wind is blowing - it's been raining all day - and the lights have been flickering ........

Winter draw(er)s on.

(Image credit)

Lots of banging last night ....

...and there'll be more tonight .....

On the surface

and no more mud being tramped in over my carpets!

Goodbye to the Lake District

The view opposite the Rectorial homestead is changing. This was the start of the work yesterday.

Today's date is palindromic

01.11.10

Look ! Over there !

All Hail, Great Pumpkin!

This is Halloween

He's coming tonight!

Just a reminder ....

... that the clocks go back an hour at 2.00 a.m. tonight (technically Sunday morning). Pity those working on night-shifts while most of us enjoy an extra hour in bed! Though they will get an extra hour's pay ....

... and nigher ....

The Feast draweth nigh ...

Back in the big city

I spent four days down in London last week, and took the opportunity to visit the Canaletto Exhibition that has just opened in the Sainsbury Wing of the National Gallery. He has always been one of my favourite artists and this Show, placing his pictures alongside his contemporaries who were also painting street and canal scenes in Venice shows that he was not the only exponent of this detailed art-form. All the pictures on show were superb, but for me Canaletto remains the best - his intricate recording of daily life in that city allows you to look at his pictures and each time see something different, whether it be a person in the foreground, or an open window way in the distance through which you can just glimpse someone standing.


This trip also gave me the chance to walk the streets again, from Kensington to Trafalgar Square, detouring via Picadilly Circus, and there I found that since I last stood under the Statue of Christian Charity (commonly known as "Eros") the road layout has been changed. No longer is the central attraction on an island which you have to risk life and limb to reach, but now sits in a pedestrianised precinct that takes up half of the circus. The space between the statue's steps and the theatre opposite is so narrow at one point that I cannot see how the traffic used to flow around, and it made me wonder if the whole edifice had been shifted slightly to one side, but a search on Google didn't bring up any record of such an alteration. Maybe my memories are at fault.

Answered prayer

The vicar asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayer. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, “I have an answered prayer I'd like to share with everyone. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him.” A muffled gasp went round the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. “Tom was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.” Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom. “Now,” she announced in a quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.” All the men sighed with relief.

The vicar rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, “I'm Tom Smith.” The entire congregation held its breath. “I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum.”

Spotted these .....

... on a recent visit to the National Trust property Felbrigg Hall in north Norfolk.


I think we'll stick to beeswax in our churches ....
!

Hot stuff

Tonight was an Indian curry night in our Village Hall. Home-cooked curries and also some all the way from a Bangladeshi restaurant in Birmingham. Wonderful food and good company of all ages, and I washed down my two plates-full with almost a bottle of very fine red wine given to me by a German student who stayed with me for 10 days in the summer. A good evening, but I'm glad that I'm not on duty tomorrow.

The body of Christ ,,, *pharrrp*
The blood of Christ ... *pharrrrp*

etc ....

Oscar Wilde's birthday

Google Doodles are not the only way of celebrating this day ....

Here's some shots from Matthew Bourne's "Dorian Gray" dance that I saw in Norwich a couple of years ago.

Soul food

Yet another I can't put in the Benefice magazine

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an aeroplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds. The man went back to his reading.

A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.

A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?"

"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"

The woman nodded, "Pepper."
.

It's all been quiet here lately ....

... but that might change today with a visit of a friend from Theological College days.

(Somewhat older now than when this photo was taken in a deserted French church, as am I, though it's debatable whether increasing years brings increasing wisdom ....)

Suggestions as to what Jesus might be doing with his hand are welcomed .......
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