Monday, 3 May 2010

British Democracy at its best

I'm happy to say that the Monster Raving Loony Party still exists, and is fielding 27 candidates in the forthcoming General Election.

Alan 'Howling Laud' Hope (Witney against David Cameron)
John Cartwright (Croydon Central)
Colin Dale (Buckingham)
Alan Powell (Ludlow)
Crucial Chris (Barking)
Tony Davies (Blackpool North)
George Ridgeon (Tewkesbury)
Martin Hogbin (Surrey East)
Mark Beech (Cardiff Central)
Napoleon Dynamite (Old Bexley & Sidcup)
R.U. Seerius (Derbyshire Mid)
Ken Hanks (Cheltenham)
Monkey Drummer (Kingston & Surbiton)
Top Cat Owen (Wokingham)
Flying Brick (Derbyshire Dales)
Chinners (Esher & Walton)
Mike Young (Sittingbourne & Sheppey)
Norman Davidson (Faversham & Mid Kent)
Toby Jug (Huntingdon)
Matt Fensome (Milton Keynes North)
Lord Offa (Brecon & Radnor)
Roger Monksummers (Dorset North)
Knigel Knapp (Hackney North & Stoke Newington)
Sam Thing (Amber Valley)
Baron Von Thunderclap (Mid Sussex)
Eddie 'Elvis' Vee York)
Mark 'Zammo' Adshead (Sheffield Hallam against Nick Clegg)

Their Manifesto proposals include:

To combat global warming and climate change all buildings should be fitted with air conditioning units on the outside.

Make it illegal for super heroes to use their powers for evil.

All socks to be sold in packs of 3 as a precaution against losing one.

That Political leaders are banned if they avoid a straight answer "Yes" or "No". As they may still be telling fibbs, any such person found to string out an answer longer than 2.8 seconds should be forced to undertake a lie detector test.

That a government agency will be set up to paint contour lines on to hills and colour roads the same as on maps. This will help people know where they are.

That at election, instead of marking the ballot paper with a cross, we use a tick. A cross normally means "thats wrong", therefore a "tick" would be more suitable. Putting across next to someones name on the ballot paper is as good as writing "monumental cock up" next to their name.

Full proposals can be viewed here.

I know who's getting MY vote.